Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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