I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize