You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
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You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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