I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
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Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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