Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
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You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
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Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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