pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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