the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize