too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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