So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize