im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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