I didn't shave. On purpose
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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