I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
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I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
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No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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