I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize