so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize