If that was your dad, he is hot
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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