After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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