What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize