Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

The maid of honor just puked.

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(312): The maid of honor just puked. http://tfl.nu/qiyl

Replies (5) Good night (1764) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.

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(864): Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends. http://tfl.nu/vqfc

Replies (13) Good night (571) Bad night (1698) Order T-Shirt
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(303): View more from Colorado

I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses

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(303): I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses http://tfl.nu/qudw

Replies (3) Good night (2593) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.

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(610): My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/h8rn

Replies (49) Good night (1023) Bad night (5390) Order T-Shirt
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(573): View more from Missouri

I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.

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(573): I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze. http://tfl.nu/2uw1

Replies (17) Good night (3435) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
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(256): View more from Alabama

I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.

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(256): I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck. http://tfl.nu/xyly

Replies (15) Good night (930) Bad night (5131) Order T-Shirt
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

(1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

You make your fellow Jews happy.

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(412): I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more. (1-412): You make your fellow Jews happy. http://tfl.nu/gpio

Replies (16) Good night (6190) Bad night (899)
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(773): View more from Illinois

she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable

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(773): she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable http://tfl.nu/h8f0

Replies (17) Good night (6230) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
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(616): View more from Michigan

You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.

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(616): You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls. http://tfl.nu/v76g

Replies (9) Good night (4834) Bad night (1518) Order T-Shirt
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.

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(508): He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn. http://tfl.nu/4ftp

Replies (14) Good night (1639) Bad night (1252) Order T-Shirt
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(406): View more from Montana

Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.

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(406): Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor. http://tfl.nu/e8dt

Replies (8) Good night (903) Bad night (391)
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(914): View more from New York

He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.

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(914): He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/pgtg

Replies (3) Good night (1835) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
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(225): View more from Louisiana

Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?

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(225): Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me? http://tfl.nu/lu4d

Replies (13) Good night (1081) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.

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(570): I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight. http://tfl.nu/86fz

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(702): View more from Nevada

Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year

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(702): Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year http://tfl.nu/tm45

Replies (10) Good night (1315) Bad night (288)

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