Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize