Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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