Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
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I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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