You're earring is so big in my mouth
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
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He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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