So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
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The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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