yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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