whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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