i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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