He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
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The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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