when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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