I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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