2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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