you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
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OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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