I'm lost and stupid without you.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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