yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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