when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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