dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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