when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There's always time for handjobs
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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