youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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