Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize