I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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