My friends, they love my intelligence
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
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so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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