just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize