you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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