i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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