The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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