found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize