Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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