I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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