i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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