just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i will never coherently bang her
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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