Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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